Dealing with Stress

Why do people think it's ok to tell someone struggling to get pregnant that they "just need to relax and it will happen." I heard that, or some variation of it, at least 1,000 times. It's infuriating and invalidating. There is seemingly no relaxing when it comes to trying to have a child and being unable to do so. Not to mention that I know PLENTY of rigid and anxious people who have gotten pregnant on their first try. I get that people are trying to be helpful, but being told to relax just makes me more irritated and stressed out. I think the best that you can do is just try to reduce your stress and hope to offer some ways to do so.

The first line of defense against stress is to become more mindful of what leads us to experience it. Clearly infertility is the broader cause here, but there are so many pieces to the infertility puzzle. It can be helpful to pull them apart and better determine which aspects are more stressful for you than others. Maybe you notice that you are irritable in the days surrounding a doctor's appointment or test result? Or getting your blood drawn puts you on edge for the entire day?.

It is also important to take note of how you respond to stress. Do you blame everything on others? Do you retreat? Does it manifest itself in physical symptoms? These questions and their answers may help further your insight into your stress and thus better manage the way you handle it.

To figure out all of the above, try keeping a mood journal. Each day, write a few notes about any thoughts or feelings you've had. This allows you to see patterns in your emotions, which can then help you determine if there were any major mood shifts surrounding certain events. The more self-aware you are of your thoughts, and emotions, and your reactions to them, the easier it will be to make subtle changes. For example, if you find that you get super irritable or anxious the day of an appointment or test result, plan something for yourself that you look forward to, like getting a manicure or talking to a close friend. Small changes can eventually lead to bigger changes. 

Other things to consider when it comes to reducing stress are more obvious and preventative. This includes getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating well. Though these things are usually easier said than done, it is important to work on them within the parameters that you are capable. Enlist the help of a loved one or professional if these tasks seem too daunting or you are unsure of where to begin. Social and professional support can be extremely helpful during this time, in addition to giving you outside perspectives that you may not be privy to.

And though I hate to bring it back to this word, relaxation techniques are immensely helpful in reducing or heading off stress. Guided meditation apps are aplenty these days and they even have infertility-specific ones to get you through whatever phase of the process you are in currently (injections, IVF, etc.). The trick is finding ways to reduce stress that you will stick with and work best for you.


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