I had just turned 30 when my husband and I started trying to get pregnant. I had no idea it would be such a struggle! At the time, I didn’t know of any friends who had dealt with infertility. Also, my husband was 27 and I was only 30, so I never expected it would be a problem.
To be honest, when I was a young woman, I didn't want to get married and didn't want to have my own children. I always joked that I would be a career woman and "hire a surrogate" when I wanted to have kids. But, after I got married, my mind and heart changed, and I began to desire having my own children.
Reading others' stories, I am SO incredibly thankful our struggle lasted only one year. My Ob-Gyn was able to do a lot of the infertility testing, in order to delay going to a fertility expert. So, even though we didn't go to a fertility expert, we went through all of the embarrassing and painful tests given by the experts.
As we struggled to get pregnant, I realized I was having feelings of worthlessness. I couldn't believe it! I was the first person to attend college on my mother's side of my family, and the second to obtain a Master's on my father's side. But while feeling very accomplished professionally, I honestly felt like less of a woman because I couldn't conceive. It was embarrassing and humiliating, because it was obvious we weren't getting pregnant. We had been married for 4-5 years and family, friends, and acquaintances were curious. When we were going through infertility tests and treatments, it felt like such an invasion of privacy by well-meaning family and friends who kept asking us questions. I also reached out for support and found none. I tried our church, and the response I got was "You're welcome to create a support group and run it yourself." I needed care - I wasn't looking to take care of others and add to my plate while we were struggling. I know that sounds selfish, but I was in emotional pain and just couldn't muster the strength to do it. I avoided friends' baby showers and anything having to do with kids during this time. It was just too painful. Also, my husband and I argued a lot. While we both wanted to get pregnant and have children, I think my husband considered it more of my problem than his, which just made me feel worse.
My lowest low, I was on my last cycle of Chlomid and thought it had failed (again). I tearfully called my Ob-Gyn and reported this to him, and he said "Ok, I'll refer you to a specialist." I broke down crying with my husband and sobbed "I'll NEVER be pregnant!!" Well, I actually was! I went on to have fraternal boy/girl twins. I have never taken pregnancy for granted since our struggle.